Healthy self-soothing is essential to love.
If you’ve lived a little, you’ve probably been hurt. We all have. As a consequence, we’ve developed scars, fears, and triggers to protect ourselves from pain. Sometimes, these triggers can create irrational reactions. For instance, a trigger can get pulled and bring up feelings of panic when someone says the exact same phrase used by an assailant just before they wounded you. A person, even a smell, can also remind you of a happy time.
Triggers are normal but become a problem when they interfere with our relationships by making us react to a previous event rather than the separate event that is happening in the moment (“overreacting”). Then we set ourselves for feeling judged and may respond defensively if our feelings aren’t honored. The key in these sensitive situations is to self-soothe.
Understand your feelings and triggers and calm yourself down. Recognize that two events are simultaneously occurring for you, emotionally. Take a deep breath and share it with the other person if you feel safe. Otherwise, take a deep breath, reassure yourself that the events are separate, and refocus on the moment. Then you can listen and respond with more neutrality.
Inspiration for the Day: “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” -William James
Note: This is an ongoing series to help provide support during these challenging times. These daily readings are part of an overall book on balance, which includes 12 essentials for maintaining balance to support resilience and your best self. The 12 essentials include mind, body, love, service, self, family, intimacy, purpose, environment/living space, nature, social relations, and spirit. This series is sharing 30 days of lessons about love. It will examine multiple aspects of love and provide knowledge and inspiration for hearts to heal and love to flow. It is designed as a daily reader to allow time to reflect, process and incorporate.
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