How we deal with loneliness often reflects how we deal with love.
Do you swing from isolating and cutting-off from people to somewhat desperately seeking attention from people who can’t give it? Are you surrounded by detached people or people who are inconsistent with their love and attention? Do your primary love relationships seem to cause more anxiety and frustration than comfort?
Sometimes such inadequate love relationships mirror our own intolerance and fear of love. The underlying fear is that the love object will abandon and/or consume us, so we play out a desperate dance that feeds the very loneliness we believe we want to avoid. Loneliness can feel safe and familiar—yet can keep us from forming genuine loving relationships with others who are truly available to reciprocate.
One of the keys to developing healthy free-flowing love relationships is to recognize any anxiety you feel when people get too close. Can you try tolerating the discomfort and even sharing the angst you feel in the moment with your loved one? Another trick Dr. John Gottman suggests is to hug your partner for at least six seconds (or longer!).
Inspiration for the Day: “If you can’t regulate your own emotional temperature, you’ll regulate everyone around you to keep yourself comfortable.”—David Snarch
Note: This is an ongoing series to help provide support during these challenging times. These daily readings are part of an overall book on balance, which includes 12 essentials for maintaining balance to support resilience and your best self. The 12 essentials include mind, body, love, service, self, family, intimacy, purpose, environment/living space, nature, social relations, and spirit. This series is sharing 30 days of lessons about love. It will examine multiple aspects of love and provide knowledge and inspiration for hearts to heal and love to flow. It is designed as a daily reader to allow time to reflect, process and incorporate.
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